apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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