O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
