M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
