Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
