i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
