Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i think im in europe. pls send help
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
