I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
