i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
