I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
