Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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