put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
