He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
