Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
