you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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The Olympian is in my bed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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