Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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