did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize