all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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