hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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