Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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