I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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