Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
