I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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