We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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