He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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