I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
