The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
