Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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