Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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