Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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