the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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