Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
