Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
