Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
