I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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