Plan B is the new Plan A
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
