I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
