i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she told me i tasted like america
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
