some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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