It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
