Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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