WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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