Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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