I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't deserve a penis
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
