Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
