Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
