I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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