hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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