i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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