I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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