so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
