party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
