Banned from zoo.
Again?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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