You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
