just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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