Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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