when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
