He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
