and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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