I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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