Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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