In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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