carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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