I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
