No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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