I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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