i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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