we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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