I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
