i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
